Never give up

One dilemma that I have regarding my writing is ending a piece. I have written a dozen stories that I truly believe in but, the ending is the hardest part. One piece I have been working on for nearly fifteen years is one that I want to have published. I added so much to it that I am wondering when I should end it. I also have two stories that will make decent short stories once I buckle down at end them. I am sure that my characters will be overjoyed at this fact.

The reason why I feel this way about my writing has to do with some negative criticism that I received from a “friend” nearly ten years ago. I thought that she supported me but, I learned that behind closed doors, she laughed at me. Her words crippled me for so long that I thought about giving up. I assumed that my work was not good enough. However, a part of me has this tenacity to go on. It refused to let me walk away from something amazing. I could not possibly listen to one voice. I am still growing as a writer to this day because of my tenacity. I refused to give up on what I created.

Due to this new-found, fearlessness I began to write fan fiction. I use this outlet to end my writer’s block. It has helped more than I could imagine. I like writing about characters that I love.

I am working on going back for a Creative Writing MFA for the sake of continuing my education. I wanted to study something that I liked a lot. The fact that I have a Bachelor’s degree in Writing made me even more eager. The only thing that I have to worry about is how to put my mind back into a learning mode after being out of school for a few years. But, I will not have to worry about that until 2014.

All that I can say is just because one person does not like or understand your work does not mean that you should give up. Never stop writing because there is an audience out there for everything.

To quote one of my favorite lines from the movie Inception: ” You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling”.

Just a little bookworm …

Nearly five years ago on Halloween night, I picked up a copy of Twilight and devoured it in less than two weeks.

Needless to say I began a hobby that I set aside to focus upon my education.

It was something that I shared with my late aunt.

She was a creative mind whose love of books, television shows and movies.

I was blessed to spend eleven years of my life with her.

 After her death , it felt weird to read a book without her imput.

I started reading again when I learned that late singer Aaliyah

 was going to portray Queen Akasha in the movie Queen of the damned.

I fell in love with author Anne Rice while reading

the first four books in the Vampire Chronicles

( Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat,

Queen of the Damned and The tale of the body thief).

I still love her work to this day.

Through my journey back into the world of fiction I discovered

Stephenie Meyers ( The Twilight Saga)

Charlaine Harris ( The Sookie Stackhouse Novels).

Patricia Briggs ( Mercy Thompson),

LA Banks ( The Vampire Huntress Series),

Suzanne Collins(The Hunger Games),

Steig Larson (The Millennium Trilogy)

Justin Cronin ( The Passage)

and I just finished reading..

Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl.

I started reading this book after attending New York Comic Con and the Beautiful Creatures panel.

And yes, I am going to see the movie on Valentine’s Day.

Books are what kept me going during life’s ups and downs.

Barnes and Noble is my second home. I shed a tear when Borders closed its doors two years ago.

Recently, I discovered two libraries in my town after living here for nearly five years.

Tonight I am going to crack open Under the dome by Stephen King and dive in.

The miniseries starts this summer and I am excited.

This time I will read the story before I watch the show.

Strong friendships.

There comes a time in life when you have to let a friendship sink.

If the other person involved feels that it should be saved

they will surface reaching out desperately for your hand to pull them out of the water.

Together you will rebuild what is broken and patch up what needs to be fixed.

Sometimes, people drift apart only to reconnect a year or so later to path the cracks and holes in their relationship.

It is then that people learn what it means to have a true friend.

My best friend lives down in Virginia.

He is married and has a little girl who is turning three this year.

We do not talk on the phone everyday or email one another.

For the most part we stay in touch over social media ( Facebook, twitter, instagram..etc.).

We check up on one another to be sure that we are both doing well.

It took me ten years to realize that a friendship can not be rushed.

There is no litmus test to determine what makes a great friend.

Every great relationship (no matter what kind) takes time.

When God removes someone from your life, let them go.

Its hard but, you are better off without this person.

I learned this last year after a friend was phased out of my life.

Every time I spoke to him on the phone, I felt drained.

This occurred for nearly six months until one day he became involved with something and we stopped talking.

When this man reappeared carrying with him even more drama, this time I did not let it bother me.

I thought about everything that he put me through and thus took a step back.

I heard from him once on New Years Eve but, I made the decision not to involve myself in his life.

Two days ago, I checked his Facebook page only to come upon a message that seemed to be directed towards me.

Only this time, I ignored it.

It is so true…..God does not make mistakes.

Overcoming what held me…

Last night, I stood in the cold on my front porch thinking.

I have what some may call phantom regrets.

These are things that have kept me from achieving and doing. The little voices that try to tell me maybe now is not the right time. Maybe you should wait another year or so. Truthfully, life is too short to coast or wait on the sidelines while others play the game. With that said, I decided to make this the year that I also become self-sufficient.

I held on to labels that only seemed to hinder me further from my goals. One label in particular is that of unemployed. For the past few years, this is something that I wore around my neck like an albatross. More importantly, I felt powerless and fearful. There were a few instances when I took what others said to heart. I felt like I had failed and was thus a failure.

Many people took advantage of my emotional state and I allowed them to add more weight to my already heavy spirit. One painful memory is that I overheard my grandmother talking about me over the phone to a family friend. She misconstrued my words and painted a rather negative portrait of me. It was as though I had all the opportunities in the world but, did not have the ambition. Truth be told, this person was partially correct. I did give up but, not for the reasons that grandma discussed.

I fell into a bout of depression that resembled lying at the bottom of a well staring up at the bright blue sky . This was one of a few instances when I fell into this sadness but, I decided that it would be my last time.

My journey has only just begin. I am looking straight not sideways and certainly not backwards. Not anymore.

My writing muse and me.

R2D2

R2D2

 

There is something that all writers share that I acquired in the past fifteen years a muse or some form of inspiration..

I liken this individual to an episode of Supernatural ( I really like that show)..

One of the characters Dean Winchester made a deal with the devil at a crossroad.

This entity appeared to him in the form of the type of woman that he desired.

The only difference is that I my muse is not evil.

He is a tad bit demanding but, never less a rather generous part of my imagination.

He comes and goes.

There are times when he makes himself available at moments when I can not find a pen or pencil.

He opens up like a flower at three am.

Sometimes my muse disappears for a few weeks only to return stronger and more inspiring.

Recently, I have given him a vacation but, not for long.

There are two pieces that I have to finish soon so he’ll be back.

 

For me 2013 is going to be positive..

For 2013, I pledge to work hard to achieve my dreams. I want to go back to school soon to pursue some form of higher education. I have a few schools in mind. I just want to give it the old college try. I already have a bachelor’s degree in English Writing so I want to obtain a Masters next. I am not sure what type of degree yet. I am going to visit one of the schools next week.

This year I will believe wholeheartedly in myself regardless of what others say. After my college graduation, I felt so low. There were so many people who felt like I was a failure. For a while, I believed them but, I know that I am a better person for it. I set aside my future for a bit helping out with the care of grandmother. After her death, I decided to take time for me. I began to reflect upon my life. There is still so much time left and she would be so disappointed if I gave up.

I started working on my novel again in 2010. I have tweaked it and will finish it this year. I can do it. I believe in me. Some people say that being unemployed gives you two roads. You can either take the red pill or the blue pill. The red pill makes you smaller and the blue pill makes you bigger. I will consume the blue pill in 2013.

Good things are coming my way…..I truly believe it.

One little lady bug traveling over the concrete of life.

Hola!!!

Writing for me is spilling my soul upon a blank page. I wake up in the morning wondering what will emerge from my mind. What will my imagination create? Writer’s block grips me sometimes but, I over come it. I battle with my ideas and come out on top.

I created this blog to share my world.

I have a vivid imagination which is the greatest gift , I could ever have.

My nickname is Lady bug because I find beauty in negative spaces. Years of self-reflection and love , have uplifted me.

I am extremely greatful for every day that I wake up.